Staying connected and present in our relationships can be hard when we don’t know how to stay present with ourselves. If we have conflicts within ourselves that we haven’t resolved, it becomes difficult to have intimate meaningful connections to people in our lives, other than polite conversations. We steer away and isolate rather than finding out why we feel we can’t connect. When I say relationships I mean any relationships - friends, partner, family member, co-worker, boss and so on. All human beings I believe have a curiosity and a desire to connect, but many times we often escape the importance of actually connecting to one another on a deeper level because we fear intimacy. To continue staying connected to one another we eventually open ourselves up, and that makes us vulnerable. Because that can feel scary we often avoid exploring something new, or continue having a deeper connection with someone. Many times we are so absorbed in our lives and in ourselves that we often forget how much we can learn and grow from having a meaningful relationship with someone and genuinely being interested in a life other than ourselves.
For example when you meet someone you haven’t met before, do you ask them questions, or are you just talking about yourself? When you ask a question are you genuinely interested and present to really hear the answer, or are you just being polite? Or do you continuously focus on what you are going to answer so therefore not hearing what the other person is saying?
Staying connected and having a meaningful relationship also takes effort from both parties. We easily give up in our relationships I think because we are afraid letting others see the side of us that we have told ourselves is not good. And we are afraid the person won’t love us if that part comes out.
Another thing I hear often is words like extroverts or introverts. I don’t know if I even believe you can be either of them..maybe they are just words and behaviors we make up as excuses to not really be vulnerable with someone..either way there is a reason for how we decide to live our lives, no matter what we call it. I believe we humans have an innate need to connect, and our biggest fear is separation, and feeling disconnected. In today’s society it seems we also avoid making an effort to see each other in person, and instead we continue having text relationships, to feel safe, but why? Is it because we are too busy, or are we worried someone will find out and see our true selves, or are we just lazy..
I agree it is scary to open up to someone but if we don’t show our true selves we become unauthentic to ourselves, the world and to whom we are trying to connect with. We isolate, work a ton,and stay busy all the time. Sometimes I think we use that to escape, actually connecting with one another, and in return we feel lonely and disconnected and even bored. It takes effort to have a healthy growing relationship. If you are the one always initiating meetings, or continue canceling, or making excuses, we are disconnecting ourselves, and furthermore we don’t value the depth of the mystery of what being a human really is. If we are truly connected to ourselves and our hearts we naturally want to share that with others.
It’s also funny how easily we connect to nature, our pets, and our jobs, and we rarely separate from them when we need space..so when we say we like our solitude or space we really mean; we feel we can’t be ourselves around people and therefore need to create space..and again we feel lonely separated and bored..
Today’s Assignment
Stay present and open with your current relationships, listen, learn and love the moment with them. Ask questions you haven’t asked, listen to the words that are being said, and when you do, try to look in their eyes, not your phone, or the environment around you.
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