When we lie either to ourselves or others it becomes very hard to keep track of our lives and live happy and joyfully. The reason we lie boils down to fear of not feeling we are good enough. The problem is when we lie we store fake beliefs in our bodies and mind and eventually they can become infections of self. You can even start believing the lies and get addicted to them. If we can’t trust ourselves emotionally and set up boundaries that are healthy, we end up feeling guilty after a while. Guilt in turn makes us feel alone, we end up having difficulties getting close to others, and we start feeling separate from life and everything around us. When we don’t feel enough, we feel a lack, and in order to not feel lack we overextend ourselves to others, and we start needing constant confirmations from our external environments to feel worthy, and after a while we don’t even know who we are. Lies also prevent us from being vulnerable and it becomes a vicious cycle of deceiving others and ourselves.
As children we often don’t have a filter and we are our true selves. I always said things straight out as a child but realized quickly there are different ways to express my truth or what I experienced. If we have a fear of hurting people when we say our truth, we can instead express how we feel.
For example I had a lot of anger inside so I developed a sense of entitlement. I saw myself as a victim, and I wanted to “get even”, so I lied. It was so deep rooted and unconscious to me at the time, I didn’t know how to move past that pain so I lied to myself. I remember when I lied to my dad once when I was a teenager and how hard it felt when he found out I lied. I was angry like a typical teen, trying to figure out feelings and emotions towards life and the future, and I lied because I didn’t trust myself or my dad deep down inside.
I believe there are very subtle ways to lie to hide our pain as well.. Many times these actions and thoughts are unconscious to us and we develop such a strong attachment to that part of ourselves, and after a while it becomes a habit, and that habit takes time and work to get rid of again. When we value and trust ourselves we don’t lie, no matter how hard it is to tell the truth. It takes one second to lie but unfortunately it takes a long time to build up trust again with ourselves or someone else.We also trust people in different ways. Some parts we can trust with someone and some we don’t.
So is a time when it’s ok to lie..?
A so-called “white lie” many may consider acceptable but what is the reason or the need to even do that? Is it better to not say anything if you are afraid to say the truth? I guess it sometimes depends on what we feel we have to lie about..
We all are guilty of lying, small or big stuff but are we all aware of when we do it?
Today’s Assignment:
Notice when you are not being completely honest with yourself, or others today. If you know you were not completely honest try to correct it immediately and try to think of why you weren’t honest. It will feel so much better!
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