I love to read and sometimes things get stuck in my head and then I feel like writing about it.
“In truth, pain is the price of freedom. And the moment you are willing to pay that price, you will no longer be afraid.”
As I was thinking of this sentence I realize when you are comfortable with pain passing through you, not closing, you will actually be free. It’s something I didn’t believe for a very long time.
My biggest feeling of pain was when I lost my mom at a very young age and how it followed me around in my life. Not knowing how to process it and how I let it consume me at times. Although this experience I had with my mom is an understandable and validated pain, it transferred to other parts of my life, and it even showed up as a chronic pain in my body that I still deal with from time to time. It’s important to know as painful as this experience was, it also has made me incredibly strong and I’m forever grateful for how much it has taught me. I hid the pain for a very long time and tried to avoid it and cover it up at all cost, drinking, going out too much and letting people behave badly without standing up for myself. It intensified to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I created chaos when there didn’t need to be just to not have to deal with it. I also had this uneasy feeling of boredom and lack of responsibility which in turn made me feel worse. I wanted it to go away so badly I did very irrational and sometimes even stupid things. I lived and survived feeling pain so deeply, I didn’t think there was no way out. It all changed when I started believing I had a choice, and that was enough to at least be open to something different. To change this deep feeling I knew I had to go through the pain, feel it, talk about it and accept it, but most of all learn to be compassionate with myself. I started to look at the situation or problem that caused me pain in a different way, and then something shifted, not in a big way, but it shifted. It was incredibly hard to go through, beyond your imagination, but with courage a lot of support I went through it, and oh am I glad I did! I did realize though, there was no other way than going through it. When you are comfortable with pain passing through you, not closing, you will be free.
There is an ocean of love behind all of this fear and pain. Pain is just a feeling if you think about it and it will pass. We have many times also decided what is painful..but as we can control our minds we automatically have a choice to change the feeling.
Today’s Assignment:
When you feel pain sit with it, and feel it move throughout your body, and then put your hand to your heart and say: “ I will be ok and I don’t need to feel this pain anymore ". Go out in Nature and let it rejuvenate your soul.
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