THE POWER OF SAYING YES!

Words are powerful. We often forget what an impact words can have. Not only when we communicate with others, but also what impact words have on ourselves. 

Unfortunately most of us grow up hearing No more than we hear Yes.. 

When I’m feeling negative towards life I noticed for example, often I start my sentences with no, and my body and mind feel tense, irritated and angry. From becoming aware of how this affects me, I now consciously say yes to everything. It was hard at first, as I sometimes had to let go of my ego and will and surrender to the moment, and to be honest it felt fake, but the more I started saying yes, I started feeling lighter, more open to life and myself. After a while practicing, these waves of gratitude started to swell up in me. It was like my energy of saying yes drew like minded spirits to me and that felt good. 

It’s also important saying yes does not mean approving of bad behavior or angry thoughts. We also are not saying yes to external circumstances that can hurt us. It’s also not a version of “positive thinking” or to not accept the reality of how hard life can be. We also do not say yes to someone treating us badly, but even in these instances where unpleasant things happen, we can still say yes to our experience of fear, anger or hurt that we feel. Saying yes is an inner practice of accepting and allowing our thoughts and feelings to come and go. Saying yes is not to cover over what we really feel, nor a way to manipulate our experience, but a tool to open up and see life the way it is.

With saying yes I also realized you can’t say yes, and have a frown on your face..by saying yes our body also needs to say yes. Sometimes I position myself in an open manner, facing the experience or person with a smile on my face, even if I have to force myself to do it. It’s not that I’m faking my smile or feelings, it's more of training my conditions, actions, behavior and thoughts, to get in line with my body and heart. 

Have you ever said yes when you mean no, or no when you mean yes?

It’s very important to become aware of when this happens, because that is not giving your authentic self the honesty it deserves. There are times where saying yes can trigger us and it could bring us too much fear at once, so you have to be careful and find a balance of when it’s too much for you. It’s a practice of acceptance, and of listening to your body and heart. There is something liberating about our entire imperfect and messy life, and you start to realize your life is just fine the way it is. If we can accept imperfection and expect and surrender to the messiness of life, we can live a meaningful and joyful life. 

Today’s Assignment:

Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Think of a current situation that made you upset or angry. The more you think of this situation, the more you will get in touch with your feelings in your heart and body. When you feel the strongest about a particular part in your experience, start by saying No to what you feel. Feel the fear, anger, shame or grief. Push all that away and feel the resistance in your body, and to your feelings. 

After this, start again but say Yes to the painful feelings, say Yes to whatever thoughts or feelings that come up. What happens to the unpleasantness when you say Yes? 

What happens to our body and heart when we say Yes?

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ATTACHMENTS

I woke up this morning and said the word “Attachment” out loud. It has been happening lately where I wake up saying words or sentences out loud. I don’t even think I’m fully awake when I say them but it has been quite exciting. I started to think about how we are conditioned to be attached to things we really don’t need or benefit us. I’m not only talking about materials, but also people, feelings, environments & lifestyles. 

Why are we attached to all these things?

We come to this world with no attachments, or distinction between ourselves and the rest of the world. As babies we have no awareness of ourselves, and separation between our thoughts, feelings, and actions towards anything. We are one with the universe without boundaries and desires. Complete wholeness.

Thinking of this I not only asked myself what attachments I have, but also why would I want to be attached to less? 

At first I thought being attached to less would have me feel less pain and not getting hurt, but when I was thinking more about it, it wasn’t really that..When I really thought about it, I believe it is to feel free from my ego and the conditions we all have been taught is who we are, and to come back to complete wholeness and feeling one with the universe again. 

When I went to Costa Rica for example, I couldn't figure out why my body and soul felt so much better there. I came to realize my attachments to things were less and I was in an environment with highly positive vibrations and a lot of creativity. I realized how important that is for my Body, Mind & Spirit. 

“If energy is going up, it’s going towards life. If it’s going down, it’s going towards death.” - Bruce Lipton

Knowing everything is built up from energy, I wonder how much of it do we really use, and how do we use it?

Some say we have to die in order to be reborn and that might be true, but are we dying because we decide to, or because someone told us to attach to things to feel normal..I’m not saying that we always can be around positive energies, but I am saying that we have to learn how to live with both, if we decide to live fully in reality. Being attached to too many things brings us down.

For example if our bodies & mind are attached to primarily low vibrations consistently, we perhaps unconsciously live our lives less than our true potential, and therefore against, and in resistance to reality, and the natural flow of life itself. We attach to the feelings of safety and security when real growth comes from uncertainty and moving through layers of fear. Having fear originally was instilled in us when we were young and was developed for us to survive the many curveballs life gives us, but growing into adulthood we realize that living in survival mode is not really a healthy choice, yet that is very common in today's world. We unconsciously attach to things and unfortunately are not able to see our true selves. We are terrified of that unknown part of ourselves so we start to resist, change or push it away. But what if having no attachments would set us free..and the things we want in life are an illusion of safety.. Can uncertainty be another alternative to growth and happiness? 

Then we might have to ask ourselves; What do we want? And why do we want the things we want?

There will always be more things we think we need and want, unless we detach from our attachments to them, and or put different meanings to them. I believe our inner peace in relationship to the universe and nature is the only thing we need. I have been talking to many about their attachments to things in their life.

I asked one friend;  

Does it feel good to get rid of things?

She answered; 

“ No.. I mean it’s harder for me to get rid of old or antique items, than the newer things ” 

Another friend said; 

“If we talk about materials and my business, I keep duplicates of things to make it simpler if one breaks. If I get a deal on an item I would rather have more than one in case one breaks. I also like to recycle things instead of throwing them out. They really don’t have any real value other than keeping it easier. Then I have things that have a sentimental value to me which I will always keep. I’m working on eventually not having any attachments to anything.” 

I have two storages which I’m working to get rid of. There are things I want to keep but so many things I don’t really need or have any value to me anymore. I don’t want to throw it all out as I believe it is a waste to not have someone reuse it, that could benefit from it. 

From attachments come more responsibilities, stress and pain, and we can’t escape it if we attach and identify ourselves with it. If we start to identify ourselves with these attachments to things, people, feelings, after a while we don’t know who we really are..

When I was in Costa Rica my camera got stolen 2 weeks into my trip. This experience as a professional photographer was at first a very painful experience. After a while of not pressing that shutter I was feeling so distraught from not having that shutter capturing that moment in time.. 

I realized I had identified myself so much with the feeling it gave me. I also realized I have been attached to the feeling of being really great at something.. I’m not my camera, and I’m not the one taking great photos either....It’s something I enjoy and I’m good at, but it’s not who I am.. so getting upset, or feeling sad wasn’t productive or even making sense. I end up accepting the loss and surrendered to the moment of living without it. And as soon as I did, the universe gave me many glorious opportunities to experience, things that I know wouldn’t have happened if I forced a solution or stayed in anger or victimhood.    

If we are not attached to things, it doesn’t matter where we are, what we do. It’s not that we wouldn’t feel, or be happy, on the contrary, I believe we would be able to stay in the present and feel more deeply and consciously. 

One attachment that I see most of us struggle with is our attachments to our thoughts, jobs, food and our pets..yeah I said pets as it’s so interesting how we often identify ourselves more with them than loved ones in our life.. 

We put value on things that don't really mean anything to us, because we desperately need to fill the void we are feeling about ourselves. For example we can become so attached to our emotions and feelings that they start to control us in every step we take, and for sure can get us in tremendous trouble. 

At one point in my life I was extremely attached to the past and my childhood, which didn’t make sense at all as my past was not the greatest.. so why would I want to be attached to something that made me feel bad, or put my energy into something that is the past..It was because I identified myself with being a victim which is not who I am either. I was a victim to something that happened, but that is not who I am.

Bottom line is to become aware and conscious of what we attach to, and what value we put on these things. I believe it is the first step to coming back to our true selves. Then we can decide how to to remove those attachments to things that do not benefit us, and in return we can feel more free and more connected to ourselves and this universe.

Today’s Assignment;

Think of something you know you are really attached to. Think of why you are attached to it, and how it benefits you or not. Who would you be if that wasn’t in your life? Do you need to be attached to it to feel good, or is it a habit that was developed from fear of being alone?

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ISOLATION

Feeling isolated never crossed my mind until I lived in a place where I felt very isolated emotionally. The place was gorgeous but socially many people around seemed very withdrawn and private. 

Why do we isolate ourselves?

I found there are many different reasons we isolate ourselves. Sometimes we isolate ourselves from society and people in order not to have to deal with differences and difficulties we face everyday. Maybe a fear that people and society won’t accept our authentic self, so we withdraw to soothe the stress of not fully being able to be ourselves around others. When I say this I’m not saying that we can’t function around people, nor being by ourselves sometimes is healthy. I am specifically saying we have a hard time being ourselves, or getting to know others and trusting people around us and ourselves. We also tend to isolate ourselves when we are in pain and depressed. 

I remember I didn’t know how to find people I can feel myself and be safe with, so I isolated myself from everyone and that made me feel more lonely and depressed..

Ultimately I think it had to do with not wanting to get close to anyone, and having to deal with our differences, or being afraid of getting hurt. It also had to do with shame and not believing I was good enough, and I didn’t want other people to see my pain. Removing myself not only made me feel worse, it also didn’t resolve what I needed to do to heal, so I could grow and be proud of who I am. 

When we feel strong and proud of ourselves we automatically want to share that love with the world. Another part for me was also a feeling of disconnection and a separation between my connection to the cosmic universe and the reality of the present life. I started to like staying in the cosmos more than being in the now. When I say cosmos I mean entering deep meditation where I connect to the different energies and frequencies of our beautiful world. There I didn’t have to deal with the pain and suffering of day to day life. 

I isolated myself emotionally and again I felt more and more disconnected and separated, and in turn feeling alone and isolated. Now this was good because it made me realize how dependent we humans really are on feeling connected and feeling understood and part of something. There will always be pain and joy, no matter how much we want to avoid it or run away from it, so how can we be our best around everyone instead of isolating ourselves from society or situations? If we are always trying to justify our inability to feel happy, because of our fears of not feeling understood and accepted we don’t grow. 

Genuine vulnerability to one another makes us feel less isolated and different. We all have a never ending story that is here to be expressed, not hidden. The more we share our experiences and open up, the more we heal and grow, and also be able to give and stay present. 

Today’s Assignment;

Ask yourself; 

When do I isolate myself?

Why do I isolate myself?

When I see people do communicate how I feel?

Can I trust what I feel?

Am I being aware of and really listening to what the person is saying?

Are they hearing me when I speak?

When I want to leave, why do I want to leave?

How can I feel more comfortable around people?

How can I practice being comfortable in any environment or situation?

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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FEELING SAFE

When & where do we feel safe? Do we always know what is safe..when we sometimes act on things that are not safe? We can be emotionally, physically or psychologically safe. Just to be clear I will mostly talk about how we psychologically have been conditioned to react and feel, not violence or real danger. ( Even if many things can feel like we are in real danger sometimes..) 

To know when we are unsafe I think we first need to talk about when we are feeling safe.

When I think about the feeling of feeling safe, I think of when my body and soul are completely relaxed. I really need to tune into my body to know if I can feel safe or not, and trust my instincts. I try to notice in what areas of my body I feel tension in. What situations does my body react to..I didn’t always know how to be aware of this, but really taking the time to do so has made me trust myself and what decisions to take. We have to make a decision to protect ourselves, and sometimes it’s easy to ignore the signs in our bodies. Instead we tend to listen to our minds (ego) and unfortunately that is not always to be trusted.. 

I believe we have been conditioned to react and trust situations that are not always safe for us. We can visit a place or talk to a person and feel safe or not, but because someone or the majority has experienced something we sometimes listen to them instead of trusting our gut. Or we have been taught not to trust ourselves from an early age and therefore we make choices that might not be safe for us, and we ignore the signs. 

So how can we then know when it’s safe or not then? 

I believe if we listen to our bodies, and stop to take a gentle but firm decision to a situation, we learn to choose safer and make more productive choices, instead of creating stress and tension and making ourselves feel unsafe, which are very damaging to our whole being. 

Now there are times we really need to remove ourselves from a situation, and there are times we have to separate when there is a real threat, or not. There are also times it is more crucial for us to feel safe as well, and one of those times is when we heal. If there have been traumas that haven't been resolved, it is very beneficial to have safe people and environments around us until we can start to handle other situations. There are also times when we have to challenge ourselves and move beyond our safety net to grow and excel. For example If we never felt safe growing up, emotionally, or perhaps even physically, we stop trusting our own judgements about safety, in our relationships, and when to make healthy decisions, and how to act or not in a situation,  so we then stop challenging ourselves and that's not ideal either as when then live a very predictable life and we don’t grow. The reason it can become debilitating to our well-being, is because we have learned to dissociate to cope with pain and we don’t get to experience the very thing we need to learn and experience. We eventually stop trusting others and our own decisions, or we act and do things irrationally.

So how can we re-train ourselves to become aware of when we need to protect ourselves and when we can trust and challenge ourselves, so we can feel safe. Boundaries to ourselves and others is one crucial component, but also being aware when we start to hit the hills too quickly. I have learned the only thing we can trust is our bodies. 

It always tells the truth.

The benefits of feeling safe is that we can feel free to be ourselves, either in the environment or relating to others. When we are ourselves we automatically draw safe, higher vibrations and experiences towards us.

I will give two experiences I’ve had with feeling safe and not safe. 

One is from close friendship’s (emotionally) I’ve had, and one from different environments (physically) I did not feel safe in.

I have many friendships but they all are very different. There are some people I feel very safe around, and there are some I had to partially or fully remove myself from as they made me feel stressed and agitated inside and I didn’t feel I could be myself around them. It’s not to say I can’t be around the latter ones mentioned, but I don’t feel a need to deepen the relationship with them either. I’m also not saying we have to isolate ourselves because we don’t feel safe to be ourselves. I have become hypersensitive to my relationships when they interfere with my emotional wellbeing and there needs to be a balance between how much we decide to involve ourselves in a relationship to feel safe, so both of us can grow. 

Another example is the environments I lived in, and what places my body and soul really wanted and felt safe in. There are many times we pick places to live from an idea we have of that place. How much money you can make is usually one big factor, but rarely do we really listen to how our body and soul feels about that place. As much as I have traveled and numerous places I lived, there are places where my ego has chosen a place to live in, and I discarded what my soul and body felt in these places. By not listening to my body & soul I ended up hurting myself.

To feel safe in an environment has many different factors to it, but making choices out of our external selves is not the way. When I finally started to listen to what my body and soul wanted, magical things started to happen in my life, with both my body and soul, and I felt more safe than I ever felt. The reality is we can’t always feel safe, and there are times when we need to leave a situation and a place, but on the other hand we also often predict and try to control situations that simply aren’t true. Stop and feel what is really going on, and quickly we can see many times it’s in our head. We can also get used to drama and to not feeling safe. Of course we don’t want to feel unsafe, but the feeling of feeling unsafe can sometimes give us a thrill, and it can start feeling more comfortable to feel unsafe than safe.. (When I say unsafe I do not mean physically unsafe.) 

Our bodies respond to stress and drama by releasing hormones that increase our heart and breathing and they get our muscles to respond. If our stress response doesn’t stop firing, and these stress levels stay elevated longer than is necessary for survival, it can really take a toll on our health, so listening to our bodies and our instincts can really help us move towards safer environments and relationships.    

Today’s assignment:

When you start to feel uneasy in an environment or around certain people, stop and think instead of removing yourself right away. Try to feel how your body reacts, and where in your body you feel it. Then perhaps ask yourself, Am I really in danger or am I just scared? Why am I scared? Where does this feeling come from? If you have a strong reaction to a situation, sit with the feeling you are having without judging it. If you are healing, maybe find someone you feel safe with and work through your feelings with them. But don’t ignore them.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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FAMILY

When I was little I looked up to families that communicated and listened to each other. Since then I now understand, we all do what we can with what we have, but I didn't know how immensely damaging blame, ridicule, judgement, playing games or using avoidance as a means to control really is..to ourselves and to others. 

I had a roof over my head and food in my belly but I was starving emotionally and spiritually. After some time being on my own I started to feel very lonely, insecure and eventually angry. I felt I constantly needed to defend myself and I rarely felt safe in my relationships and did not trust anyone, or myself for that matter. I was trapped in my own skin. 

When I finally accepted that my family did what they could with what they had, I went out looking for a tribe that could give me what I so desperately needed but of course that didn’t quite work out either... The only family I can rely on and trust, is the strong, loving family I have inside of myself, and our powerful giving nature we are living in. 

For some, family means we always stick together no matter what and it’s expected to sacrifice ourselves to each other, or saying; “I do anything for my family” but the feeling of joy and peace might not always be present in everyone's family. I don't hate my family, in fact love many parts of it, but growing up in my family definitely affected my emotional growth, and I have to admit there were times I felt I might have been better in another family. That might sound harsh but I don’t think so. We can’t feel a connection and get along with everyone, even our family, and sometimes we feel more closeness and connection to people other than our family. Because we have been conditioned as a society to love our parents no matter what, we expect certain things from our family, and when they are not capable of giving what is expected, we perhaps learn to give more of ourselves than we really want to or even can. To survive the feeling of not being able to be ourselves, we then learn to manipulate, try to control or abandon ourselves to gain love and feel validated. Because we are supposed to feel love for our parents we start feeling guilty for feeling the way we do, and slowly shame can start to build up in us, which is detrimental to our life and emotional health. Families that have had unhealthy patterns can be transferred down for generations and the cycle can be very hard to break. When I realized these patterns in my family I had a very strong will to change these patterns in myself so I can feel happier and live authentically with love and meaning instead of pain and suffering. I also didn’t want to pass these patterns and behaviors onto myself or to an already fragmented world. Often we are the most hurtful to our family and I think it’s because we give things of ourselves we don’t want to give, because it’s expected. I think it’s my responsibility as a human to stop these patterns. 

So can we relate and even appreciate someone that’s different from us? Even if it’s our family..and do we have to love our family? 

I always look at what I can do to make this world a better place. We can maybe look at how some animals are successful at this. Many animals work together, and either accept their differences or remove what’s hurting the group. If they don’t stay in the present they don’t survive. One thing I do know, we always grow and make this world a better place when we connect and communicate with each other, and when we express our truth. 

Today’s assignment;

Observe and think about what your role you had in your family, and what positive and negative behaviors have you developed as an adult from your family.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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HAPPINESS

What is happiness? If it’s having a great feeling, what is it? Maybe it’s simply being less tormented by our thoughts..Is happiness the same as freedom? Being free from our own mind? Can we commit to always being happy and do we know what actually makes us happy? And how do we become truly happy? A lot of questions came to mind when I started to think about happiness. 

I have come to realize happiness comes from a commitment to ourselves to be happy.  If we have things in our mind and in our life that are clogged, it becomes hard to feel joyful. It was not until I started to truly practice compassion to the parts of myself that had been unresolved that I became happier. This did not happen overnight and I still practice this in my meditations. It is a skill and I find it needs to be over and over in order to become better at it. When I slowly started to respect myself and the world in a way where nothing had to be perfect, and when I fully accepted all parts of myself, the good and the not so desirable parts, was when things started to change. Not perfectly, but consciously.  

Another part I became aware of was how I physically felt when I felt happy in comparison to when I wasn’t.. When I feel warmth and tingles in my body, and feel love for no reason, I know I’m happy. It’s also when I can feel my spirit move when something is real and true. Happiness makes you see beauty in every little detail, and at the same time appreciate what you got. 

I know that just being ourselves, is enough to make this world a better place, but maybe we don’t always know how good it could be..so we wait, ignore and rationalize our lives to stay in what’s comfortable instead of exploring the steps to find how good it could be. Staying in the past or trying to manipulate the future are two ways that definitely makes a halt to finding happiness. 

Sometimes I look back and try to remember when I’m the happiest and it always comes back to when I’m completely present and surrender to the universe and let it guide the way.  When my mind is calm, things around me are calm. It’s when I am consciously aware of my contribution to this world. It’s when I show love to myself and others. It’s when I give and don’t expect anything in return. It’s when I feel respect, honesty and love for myself and all creatures of this world. It’s when I connect to nature. It’s when I sit with the feeling of despair, and trust that when I move through those feelings I’m safe, protected and loved. 

I also feel happy when I accomplish a goal or when I see something beautiful, or see a change in this world. When we make steps to make life more joyful we change and inspire others, and isn’t that our purpose in this life?

Today’s Assignment; 

Any time during the day you feel sad, stressed, angry, depressed, or annoyed, acknowledge it, do something physically. It could be to start jumping on one leg, smile at the first ten people you see, sing your favorite song, or something else that changes your current state. It works! If you do it long enough your mind, body & spirit starts to change!

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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IMAGINATION

Can imagination be brought back into our lives?

As children we imagined all the time. Why do we stop imagining?

Imagination can help us change the circuits in our brains to shift, and see something we would like to achieve differently. I don’t mean to imagine things that are not real all the time, but even that can help us to get out of our routines of thinking. What I mean is it can bring out our creativity and exercise our brains to move past the programs that have been set for us to believe in from an early age from society. If we bring back our Imagination we let our true selves come out again and it lets us come back to the hope and energy we had as children, being playful, open and creative. 

What we think about often manifests. Have you ever imagined something would happen, and it did? Or something you didn’t want happened but because you thought of it, it happened? 

Imagination is powerful because it not only brings us hope and joy, it’s also playful, creative and it makes us have faith in something that hasn’t manifested yet, and that’s exciting! To anticipate is mysterious & fun, and if we value and believe in something that’s bigger than us is to surrender to what is, but also a trust in what can be. 

I remember as a child I imagined I had horses. My grandparents barn was transformed into a stable with horses, hay was put in the stalls with the intention of the horses coming. This envision or visualization became so real to me I didn’t even feel a need to have the actual horses. 

So how can we bring back our imagination to our lives and trust it will be a positive energetic addition? 

This really worked for me.

I started imagining things in my life I wanted. I was very specific when thinking of them. And some of them weren't even real, but I said to myself it doesn’t matter. In being specific, I realized being specific was important because that narrowed down the things I didn’t want. I started to have really fun with it and all of a sudden I felt myself feeling really creative and playful. It was then small little miracles started to happen. Things I didn’t notice before showed itself clearer than before. I started to change my perception on things I usually weren’t seeing. I started to build my own movie and was feeling more alive and happy. Imagine that! 

Today’s Assignment;

Try to imagine and visualize something you always wanted. It could be anything. It can even be a fantasy that is not real. Think of it during the day and try to notice how it makes you feel. Maybe it makes you laugh, cry or feel silly, and that’s exactly what is the goal. 

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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ABANDONMENT

We can feel abandoned in different ways. I have learned first of all, it’s a feeling, and it will pass! 

A feeling could come when you least expect it but it always has a source. Leaving a course of action, emotionally, physically or in a way of thinking. Many things can trigger this feeling. It could be the loss of a pet, child, parent, house, marriage, loss of a job, loss of freedom. We can make ourselves believe this feeling will stay inside every time something leaves or rejects us. It makes us feel vulnerable, empty, sad and at a loss. If we can breathe and recognize when this feeling comes, we can stop needing to be depended on belonging to things, or someone, and start trusting ourselves and feeling peace within ourselves instead. 

It’s easy to think the reason we get rejected and feel abandoned has to do with us, or something we did, but we have to remember, many times it has nothing to do with us. It’s also easy to dwell on why someone left us or decided they don’t want to be in our lives anymore. That’s just a waste of your precious energy and time and you are also abandoning yourself staying in those thoughts. 

I had the ultimate feeling of rejection and abandonment when my mom decided to no longer continue living in this beautiful world. It was and still triggers me at certain times.  I’m now very aware of it when it comes and I no longer hang onto the feeling and the illusion of believing it has anything to do with me. And again, the feeling will pass. 

I also have thought of abandonment in a different way. The things in life that leave us or reject us were not meant for us, no matter what it is, and I believe things always happen for a reason, whatever that reason is. It also teaches us about ourselves which we should be very grateful for. Even my mom's death I believe happened for a reason..it had a purpose and a meaning to both her and the people she loved. Also she didn’t really leave us, she left herself, and it was her choice, so if we decide to live in the illusion of feeling abandoned we only do ourselves a disservice. We can get angry, and believe me I have been, but that really doesn’t benefit us or the beautiful, precious world we live in. It also prevents us from giving our true selves, and taking away our journey to give the most to this world and living in the present. Every time we go back to the past we abandon our goals, our life, and the possibilities of the future. We know ourselves the best, and maybe it was the best decision for my mom to leave. I probably would have lived a very different life if she had been in it. So, instead of believing the feelings, let’s stop abandoning ourselves and start living this life at this moment!

Today’s Assignment:

When you have the feeling of abandonment try to think of when was the last time you felt that way in your past. Then ask yourself, 

- In this current situation, am I really abandoned? Or was it just an old feeling that automatically slipped into this current situation? Breathe, and let it go.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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DEATH

They say that when we stand at the threshold of death, we can finally see our lives clearly. So one of my favorite authors, Michael Singer, put it absolutely beautifully.

“Someone can tell you that you are not your body, death shows you. Someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second. No person or situation could ever teach you as much as death has to teach you. The question is, are you going to wait until that last moment to let death be your teacher, or are you going to live life from the deepest part of your being? Live as if you only have one more day to live. How much love can you give to the people you love, knowing it would be the last time you’d get to be with them? What if you lived like that every moment with everyone.”

I got to experience death in many ways throughout my life, and the worst part for me was not knowing how to process the feelings of loss, and knowing that even if someone dies, they will still be with you, in every cell of your body. Sometimes you can even see and hear their presence after they have passed which is not only mystical but also exhilarating. 

We have to die in order to be reborn. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of not having lived my life fully and not being healthy. Although no one truly has experienced death until the day it comes, there were years of my life where I felt “dead” in my Body, Mind & Spirit and that was a terrible feeling.

Death is a natural part of regrowth, and our bodies are a means to move, taking one step after another forward until it becomes still and can rest. Our bodies have assisted us for so many years so honor it now instead of when it’s under ground. Particles of flesh and bone merged together into one mass of energy, to perhaps be used for our next life to live. 

I have learned to appreciate death instead of being afraid of it, because from it comes life, and something new. How can we not see that as something beautiful.. 

If we have a loved one that is sick or dying, don’t wait to spend time with them, or be afraid to see them. Try to express your true self openly and honestly instead. For example, I always wondered why we honor, appreciate, show our respect and love to people more after they died than when they were alive?

We might only have one life, so give it your all before the next life takes over. ( If there is one ) Express your love and gratitude to everyone before it’s too late. 

Today’s Assignments;

Honor the people that passed in your life by going to their grave or place you remember them most. Or if you can’t do that, write down what made you love them.

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CONTROL

Why do we feel we need to control everything? To feel we are powerful and strong, or we are afraid of the feeling of not being enough? I find control only directs us to a feeling of not being in control even more. Control is also very close to fear and being afraid of failing or not making the best out of a situation. The more we try to control, the more out of control we get, so why force the nature of just doing your best and then let it go.. The only thing we really can control is ourselves and our reaction to things that unfold in life. I understand there are so many things in life that are out of control and human nature is to fix things, but do we really need to control it to fix it..It truly is an illusion to think we can control anything in this world. And when we control something we take away the truth of what we are trying to control. None of us want to be controlled either. The feeling we get when someone is trying to control us, is awful. Sometimes we don’t even know we are trying to control a situation or someone until the situation or the person let’s you know the hard way. For example if you ask someone something that you would like to have happen and you ask it more than once, aren’t you trying to control it? I’m trying to be super aware of when I do this, and also not judge to try to control the outcome. 

I believe we want to have the feeling of control to feel safe and not to express fear and vulnerability because we've been taught if we are not in control, we are not worth anything and that is our biggest inherent fear we have. The fear is so strong that it takes us over to be able to have any coherent understanding of reality. We get lost in our fear. This need to control is often true in families where there was a constant unpredictability and there was never a safe space to be able to trust. Growing up in an unsafe environment emotionally and possibly physically, makes it harder not only to trust yourself, but also developing trust in others.To surrender is a skill and a trust in yourself and the unknown. I had an incredibly hard time with surrender and trusting the unknown. I wanted to control every single outcome in my life so I can feel safe. For me it also had to do with acceptance that things will fail in life, and I can’t be a superwoman in every detail of my life, and that is ok! 

Today’s Assignment:

When something goes a against you today, practice saying 

- I trust you.

- I hear you.

- It's ok for me not to resolve this.

Or you can say the serenity prayer: 

“ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.”

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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NEEDS

What are our needs and what do we really want? Do we even know what they are? In order to get what we need, we learn from an early age from our parents we have to manipulate and control in order to get what we need and want. What we think we need and what we want are also two very different things. How often is it we think we need something when it’s only a desire we think we need.. 

There was a time where I didn’t know what I wanted or what I really needed in order to live a balanced and healthy life. I was focused on what others needed because I didn’t really know my own needs, and giving to others was easier than caring or finding out for myself what I needed. I thought If I could focus on other people's needs I didn’t have to think about the lies I was telling myself I thought I needed. 

So how can we separate our desires from our needs then? Or do we have to separate them?

When we were children our needs were basic and we depended on our parents in order to get our needs met. If we were quiet and behaved the way we “suppose to” we get what we want and need. We get rewarded when we do what our parents or adults are asking from us, and get punished or things get taken away if we don’t do as we are told. So we learn needs are not good, unless we behave.. ei. “I’m not good inside”. We only get rewarded when we do what is considered good by society and our parents. So for example when we start realizing we have desires that we can’t ignore, and when they are desires that possibly aren’t considered accepted by the society we try to push that desire away. So we begin to deny parts of ourselves in order to feel accepted by our external “norms”. We develop a self that is not authentic and real and we feel even worse. To ease the suffering of our inner conflicted parts of ourselves, we start finding ways to sooth and hide our true selves, to numb the feeling of pain. The fear of feeling rejected and not “normal” is worse than expressing our needs and our true selves. When I expressed my needs in my home I was either ignored or ridiculed, and thought that it was something fundamentally wrong with me expressing my needs. So I started to always do the best in anything I did. I became a perfectionist, and held my standards to anything very high, not only to people in my life but also to myself. I saw anything else as a weakness. I also developed very high expectations for everything in my life, until one day I realized I’m not superwoman! I can’t be strong all the time! It’s ok to be taken care of sometimes. Most importantly there is nothing wrong with asking for help. I always was proud of being very independent because that’s what society always pushes us to be, but now I like the feeling of dependency sometimes. 

When I started to become conscious of my needs in my life, I saw it’s not much I really need. And with that, what I wanted started to change as well. 

Today’s Assignment:

Start to think of what you really need for yourself today? Try to separate the needs and wants and see how it can help you get more things done.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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LONELINESS

You can’t feel loneliness without having felt separation. I believe we feel lonely and therefore separated and disconnected because we are dealing with negative parts of ourselves that are conflicted. We are trying to connect what’s outside of ourselves instead of becoming conscious of the many parts of ourselves we have on the inside that need to be mended. When we have conflictions of separation within ourselves it’s often being mirrored in our external environment. After a while when we don’t understand why we feel empty, we start distancing ourselves from other people and experiences and we feel even more separated inside. To fix this feeling of loneliness and separation, we may have to take a look at things inside of ourselves. I used to complain about the technology of today’s society, and other people not being present and their lack of time, but I believe we need to pay attention and become aware of our inner self and not be dependent on others or external gratification. Moving away from the reality and unpredictable things around us makes us feel even more disconnected and lonely..To look at ourselves and become friends with both the dark and positive side of ourselves takes time and a lot of courage. 

For example, why is it that we can feel lonely in a room full of people and it doesn’t seem to matter how many people and things we do, that can make us feel less lonely? Before we start soothing this feeling of discontent with things that just sooth us temporarily, I encourage us to sit with it for a while, and go deeper than just the surface of ourselves. 

Since Covid hit there has been more feeling of separation than ever and the way we connect has changed dramatically. As much as we were forced to adapt, we can’t let the change of relating to one another make us forget we are human, and physical contact and connection is one of the biggest needs we humans have. We need to not only support each other and be gentle to ourselves, but also start becoming aware of how we connect to the world and our environment. We may think feeling separated from society and isolated makes us not have to deal with society and getting hurt, but isn’t that just putting a bandaid on a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.. 

When I feel lonely it’s important for me to know I’m not alone, and many times I just think that makes me feel better. I believe we all need human connection to be able accept and surrender to life's difficulties. 

With all the expectations on us daily we can easily get lost, and help others or focus on the universal problems of healing, instead of integrating new ways of feeling better inside ourselves. 

Todays’ Assignment:

When you get a chance to sit down during your busy day, think of when was the first time you felt separated and alone. Then ask yourself, what do you do to avoid thinking about it? Listen to your inner thoughts without judgements.  

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THE TRUTH ABOUT LIES

When we lie either to ourselves or others it becomes very hard to keep track of our  lives and live happy and joyfully. The reason we lie boils down to fear of not feeling we are good enough. The problem is when we lie we store fake beliefs in our bodies and mind and eventually they can become infections of self. You can even start believing the lies and get addicted to them. If we can’t trust ourselves emotionally and set up boundaries that are healthy, we end up feeling guilty after a while. Guilt in turn makes us feel alone, we end up having difficulties getting close to others, and we start feeling separate from life and everything around us. When we don’t feel enough, we feel a lack, and in order to not feel lack we overextend ourselves to others, and we start needing constant confirmations from our external environments to feel worthy, and after a while we don’t even know who we are. Lies also prevent us from being vulnerable and it becomes a vicious cycle of deceiving others and ourselves. 

As children we often don’t have a filter and we are our true selves. I always said things straight out as a child but realized quickly there are different ways to express my truth or what I experienced. If we have a fear of hurting people when we say our truth, we can instead express how we feel. 

For example I had a lot of anger inside so I developed a sense of entitlement. I saw myself as a victim, and I wanted to “get even”, so I lied. It was so deep rooted and unconscious to me at the time, I didn’t know how to move past that pain so I lied to myself. I remember when I lied to my dad once when I was a teenager and how hard it felt when he found out I lied. I was angry like a typical teen, trying to figure out feelings and emotions towards life and the future, and I lied because I didn’t trust myself or my dad deep down inside. 

I believe there are very subtle ways to lie to hide our pain as well.. Many times these actions and thoughts are unconscious to us and we develop such a strong attachment to that part of ourselves, and after a while it becomes a habit, and that habit takes time and work to get rid of again. When we value and trust ourselves we don’t lie, no matter how hard it is to tell the truth. It takes one second to lie but unfortunately it takes a long time to build up trust again with ourselves or someone else.We also trust people in different ways. Some parts we can trust with someone and some we don’t. 

So is a time when it’s ok to lie..?

A so-called “white lie” many may consider acceptable but what is the reason or  the need to even do that? Is it better to not say anything if you are afraid to say the truth? I guess it sometimes depends on what we feel we have to lie about..

We all are guilty of lying, small or big stuff but are we all aware of when we do it?

Today’s Assignment:

Notice when you are not being completely honest with yourself, or others today. If you know you were not completely honest try to correct it immediately and try to think of why you weren’t honest. It will feel so much better!

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THE UNKNOWN

The unknown is thrilling, mysterious, scary and exciting. I was always afraid of it, and to be honest I still am..There will always be things that we can’t explain, or don’t know enough about. The unknown to me has taught me alot about surrender, trust and freedom in my life. Life is very science based, and what “can be proven” is the truth kind of mentality. Sometimes we don’t know what we want or how to get it either so when I came face to face with the unknown I got paralized, and my mind automatically thought danger. After a while learning to try new things and actually seeing there was no danger, I started loving it more and more. It gave me a feeling of freedom and I actually felt more relaxed. I think it was my brain adjusting to nature, my body, and my mind. Since then I go with the flow most of the time..:) 

 “Going nowhere isn’t about turning your back to the world, it’s about stepping away now and then so you can see the world more clearly, and love it more deeply”

Pico Iyer

What he says makes me think of how I feel about the unknown. It’s about going nowhere to see more clearly. About letting go and going into a mystery that may or may not be revealed or resolved.

It’s not always I felt this way..In fact I used to hate it and avoid it like the plague. I tried to control every little detail of my life in such a way that I always knew what came next. I thought routines and predictability was good for me..I realized I did this to feel safe, but it was an illusion of security. In fact I think it is part of us staying healthy not knowing what, when and how everything is going to play out in our lives. Nowadays I try to embrace it and love it instead. It also has to do with trust that something bigger than us knows and always will take care of us. We don’t have to control everything to our liking to live a happy life. This is very hard sometimes to accept and live by, but accepting that things will happen no matter what we think, how we act, or what we say, is sometimes enough to feel a little more comfortable with the unknown. Maybe we can make more conscious decisions to explore new things, and that will lead to more adventures in our lives. I think our bodies crave the unknown so it can move our energies around and wire up new pathways in our brain to act more creatively and positively.   

For example when we ask why something doesn’t work out, we most of the time want to control the situation to our liking so we don’t have to feel afraid. So therefore the unknown becomes the enemy. I believe it all comes down to fear and how society always prone us to only trust what can be proven, and to not show fear and trust in something we don’t know. Possibly we also got brought up with parents that didn’t teach or encouraged us to stay in the present, and that the unknown is something that’s exciting. In my home everything was either very structured and controlled, or it was complete chaos and many times me and my sister were left to grow up by ourselves. Sometimes we learn it the hard way, and having faith definitely helps us. I think it’s like opening a present, building anticipation of an expectation that moves you to a part of yourself you don’t know which is exciting! 

Today’s Assignment:

When we face the unknown today, let’s try to sit with the feeling and get to know it and learn from it. Don’t get upset, control or try to have someone else fix it. Just look at it and feel it.

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SURRENDER

When I first heard of surrender I didn’t understand what it meant. Thinking of things I can control and what I can’t control made me finally surrender, but what was I surrendering to..When we are faced with problems in our life we often feel better if we can control it somehow. I learned we can’t control anybody, not even ourselves sometimes.. When there is no resolution of what to do to a problem, we have a choice to surrender to something that is bigger than us, and trust that it will always take care of us, no matter what happens, or we can fight it and possibly sometimes move it further away from getting resolved. 

But what is bigger than us and how can it know what we need or want? 

I struggled tremendously with this. Growing up with no faith or religion I didn’t understand how surrendering and trusting is even possible to resolve my problems.. Especially something I couldn’t see or touch but later realized I can feel. We don’t have to walk around with the pressure hanging over us all day and night, if we learn how to surrender to what is, and knowing, whatever the problem is, it will get resolved with or without our input. I find every single time I surrender to the problem I have, I not only learn to trust but also that it will NEVER let me down and it will always be there with me. Even if it doesn’t pan out how I want it to, it always shows me the only possible option for me and it allows me to grow. So if I surrender how can I know that it will work out? You don’t. Until that ultimate perfect resolution happens, and then you will start to surrender more and more in your daily life, and ahh what a relief and conservation of energy! Now we can start living our life and put energy into what we really can do, instead of what we can’t.

Today’s Assignment:

Everytime you start thinking of a problem, say “change” out loud and return to the present moment. Don’t let it control you! Start to use your senses, listen to the birds, trees in the wind, the rain against your car window or the sound of your breath moving in and out effortlessly. Surrender to the moment instead of a future you don’t know, or a past that already has happened.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle? Check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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