WITHHOLDING

Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and this can transfer pain to others. Continuing to transfer our pain to others is not kind nor healthy, instead if we share our pain, we inspire people to heal. Withholding our emotions makes us sick.

The most common form of withholding is what we commonly call "the silent treatment." Withholding encompasses any unwillingness to express our true feelings. It also includes an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people we love, and therefore we become selfish, and when we realize this we feel guilty, and so the cycle goes.. When we feel pain we often express entitlement, as we still feel and see ourselves as a victim. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, manipulative and greedy and we have found ourselves at the other end of silence with no explanation..At the same time, we can also recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. I have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. By withholding our feelings we cause tremendous pain to people, sometimes more than we know. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding, that we all desire, to feel connected in this world. 

Also no one deserves to be subjected to withholding. Feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, and to not know why, is a terrible feeling. The first thing to remember if this is happening to you, is that you are not to blame. We get caught up in someone else's pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing a therapist told me is to remember that the withholder also is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this helped me feel compassion for the person hurting me instead. However, if we suffer too long with this pattern, we may need to get some space or remove ourselves until we can handle and move past the victim role. I had this happen in my family where I have to remove myself at times. I also had to take some time to look at my own patterns and understand why I have taken part in this drama. If we are dealing with people in a family situation, we can step up to the plate, to help break the chain of this behavior pattern. 

If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and I believe anything can be unlearned. Finding safe places to begin to express all that you've been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you're feeling and thinking. Give praise to someone you love. The more we do this, the healthier we get to have healthier relationships. What was learned over a course of a life cannot be changed overnight, but if we make an effort and have courage to make small steps to change we contribute to the world we live in.

Today’s Assignment:

Speak out how you feel one time today and see how it feels. In the beginning it feels strange but to unlearn something takes time!

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BECOMING A CREATOR

Becoming a creator instead of being a source of creation. Our source of creation is functioning within all of us but sometimes we don’t realize it until we get clear in our minds how to transcend it..So how can we do this..? It all comes down to our minds I believe. What we want to create will happen effortlessly if we organize our minds and free up space. Our world needs conscious creators to become healthy again. If we stop creating, it just means we are more in love with our past. 

“Creation is a very delicate balance between attention and surrender”   - Joe Dispenza 

I find that quote so true! I feel It’s my responsibility to inspire and use my creativity to live with everyone around me as a creator. When I become unbalanced in my mind I move away from staying present and therefore away from creating.

For me creativity becomes accessible to me when my mind has space. For example, when I practice yoga or meditate, my mind becomes free to create and has space to flourish. I surrender to what is, and I can flow through life effortlessly and feel creative. There is not always an easy task to do though.. Living in today's society makes it very difficult to take control of our minds and therefore our creativity sometimes gets lost. It’s a constant process that I need to be conscious of in order to move into the state of creativity. I may not receive all that I want when creating either, and that's ok, but it makes me set up goals to become better to myself, and if I do not let the environment have an affect on my creativity I’m all set. If we can see and stay present in our lives numerous opportunities to create come up automatically. We all have the possibility to become excellent creators, and get to use the power to create whatever we want if we stay open when that new idea comes into our mind. Trying to force creativity, or we have to do something with the creation, won’t work either.. You will then not only create something that is predictable and boring, you also try to control the process, and not make the creation the best it could be. If we have our minds organized nothing really bothers us and we can be open to have our creativity to move inside of us. Have you ever noticed when we have a productive and joyful day most things gravitate to us and there is a flow. We also have a feeling that we have time for anything we set out to do that day and if something comes up against us we can handle it with ease. When I feel this way I also see more things around me, and the desire and urge to create comes up naturally.

Being a photographer you would think being a creator is a natural state but that is not always the case..being a creator needs not only space it also needs time and energy to become. We can take a picture of something beautiful but does it transcend what we really want to say or does it give the world a gift that it wants.. We can create so many things in our lives, we design our life, a relationship, a flower arrangement, a delicious meal, music and so on. I know when I create I feel happier and more spontaneous, loving and giving and when I surrender and pay attention to what’s being created, the next photo or idea comes in my head.

Never stop creating, It’s part of our health!

Today’s Assignment:

Notice when you feel creative and when you are not. If you can decide when to be creative what would you do and how would you feel?

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle? Check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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PATIENCE

I remember when I was little and needed things instantly to be satisfied. When I got upset, nothing mattered around me, my emotions took over and patience was not an option or a choice. When I look back, I realize that I wasn’t patient enough with myself - so things around me often escalated to anger and frustration. My parents never gave me the tools I needed to learn patience or to calm myself down. Most children are given the basics such as food and shelter, but what about the importance of sociological and emotional skills?

By being given everything outside of our inner self, or not understanding humanity, we believe this is the way life was supposed to be. Everything is focused on instant gratification and everything inside of ourselves gets pushed away. We either get ridiculed, controlled or ignored and then we are asked to be patient..and when I couldn't, my parents got angry.

Most of the time patience doesn’t come into our lives until we are adults and when we realize things in life take time, and we can’t expect to get things instantly, or get everything we want, we push until we get what we want. Sometimes we really get tested when it’s something we need to feel at peace with. For example when my mom died, I knew I needed to wait in order to heal, which was very hard. 

Is lack of patience coming from a deep sense of loss of being acknowledged, or is society pushing us to the immediate need for satisfaction, which in turn creates difficulty in being patient? 

Patience also teaches us we are not in control and there is something bigger than us out there that helps us with patience. I always thought I had too much patience and often waited too long to actually express my needs, but I realize now I gave too much of myself, and then was called selfish and that is certainly not patience with myself.. A child feels this immediate need to have things right away because they only see one choice, when we as adults we learn there are many roads to take. 

Strong emotions that can’t be controlled..How do we learn patience early without trying to control the outcome, or ignore our emotions? 

Working with children as long as I have, and not having my own, really have taught me alot about patience. There were times where I didn’t know what to do to calm the children, and on the ride home felt really bad for not having the tools and reacting the same way my parents did to me. It took some thinking and really being open and patient with myself to try to remember how I felt when I was a child, and what I really needed instead of needing instant gratification. Much of it was anger for not being able to calm myself down, but also remembering some of the bad experiences my parents couldn’t give that got me both angry and impatient. 

So how do we find that balance between patience and our boundaries to others and ourselves.. How can we have patience without thinking we need to compromise our boundaries and emotions.. Where does impatience and restlessness come from, and how do we rewire ourselves to make peace within ourselves and make deliberate and wise decisions in this chaotic world.. When unexpected events like Covid happened for example, we all were forced to change our ways quickly, physically and mentally. It put tremendous stress on our society as a whole, and patience to ourselves others. Things change in our surroundings all the time and practicing patience is one of the hardest things to learn.

Today’s Assignment;

Listen to your body and mind and try to be patient with yourself and others. Think of a time where you needed to be patient when you were growing up and how that was received.

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MONEY

Money has always baffled me. I grew up thinking it was freedom to everything in my life but over the years I realize it’s a false sense of security in some ways..

I grew up being given money instead of what I really needed, and there was always a focus on how we can earn more. I don’t dislike money or working towards a goal, if that be earning more money, but growing older and wiser I realize love and connection is so much more valuable. 

So why do we concentrate and put so much time and energy into getting more money in our lives?  

With today’s society focusing on technology, making us believe products and external things will make us happy, we forget about our inner self, and how to actually enjoy life without money. The satisfaction you get from buying new things is very short lived and I believe putting work towards our inner self will last much longer and what you learned about your inner self will not disappear and no one can take it away from you ever. Money can disappear in an instant. 

Ok, so we have to pay our bills but is that how we survive from our own selves and our possible pain and suffering? When asking people about money, they say they want more, but what they really are saying is they want to spend it..And if we are honest what do we spend it on? A new car, house, new clothes, technology and things that really don’t matter.

All things outside of ourselves..Some say it gives us freedom, power and independence, but we forget that to feel completely free and feel really empowered is through acceptance, love, compassion and connection. Money is a peace of our minds temporarily, but it does not create happiness or validate who we are. And how much money is enough?

We work 3 jobs, 70 hours a week to provide for our family, which not only makes it impossible to take care of ourselves, but also when do we connect with your family and friends? 

Through this external illusion we try to validate our inner self, and solve our inner conflicts with products instead of finding out what makes you, you. Society says if we have money we will be successful, get recognition and get love, but what is success? And does money give us a feeling of being loved or is it a cover up to find out we are not perfect, and if we have money we think we are perfect in other people's eyes and they will love us? What if being who we are is success, and the only thing we need to feel validated..How about security, do we feel secure to have money or fame, or is it that we don’t trust ourselves to achieve happiness without it? 

We all have imagined what it would be like to have unlimited amounts of money, but would it make us more happy.. I can think of many problems we never faced before that would arise.. for example maybe it would be very difficult to trust anyone, knowing how to save or invest in it, and the stress of trusting yourself to be able to keep it and not lose it. Money is pieces of paper that dictates our quality of life, and we believe it will save us..when we are in a situation where we don’t have money to pay our bills, money becomes a prison and it can redirect you to not be able to focus and have time to work on your dream.  

I hope in the future the focus will be to put more time in learning how to find peace inside, and have the desire to grow without the pressure of thinking we need to have money to validate who we are.    

Today’s Assignment:

Notice how much time you put on gaining more money in your life and notice how much focus society put on it. Also try to notice how much time you spend on your inner self and how that makes you feel.

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BEING GRATEFUL

It’s easier being grateful when everything is going well in our lives. When things don't go as planned we often forget to express our gratitudes. I sometimes need to say, or write down what I'm grateful for when I feel low. Saying it out loud changes you. Maybe everything in life is meant to happen and every outcome is already perfect. If we can see it as perfect even if it’s not our will or desire, we can start to feel happier, less stressed, and therefore more grateful even when something happens that you didn’t plan. Even if we have everything we want, we still want more..there seem to be never ending.. What if we can be content with what we have at this moment and live as if it was the last day of our lives? Be grateful for this day only. For me I think meditation has made me be more present and appreciate and be grateful of what I have. Living life without being grateful is not recognizing our world's vulnerabilities and ourselves and how we are connected to each other. Continue taking things for granted and not being grateful, we haven’t surrendered nor respected what life has to offer. There are so many things we take for granted without thinking about graditude.. Sometimes we even take people in life for granted..roof over our heads, water, nature, food or anything that we were conditioned to have we also take for granted. When I think of this and how fragile our world is in so many ways, and how we are living and abusing it all the time I sometimes feel sick. 

So how can we change this and see and feel gratitude in our lives? 

I believe we need to start being aware, not focus only on our own needs and expressing our gratitudes. Learn to value what we have, not what we think we have to have in order to feel accepted and be happy. When we do this we feel better and can put lifes challenges in perspective. There have been studies done that people who express their gratitude every day are happier than the ones that don’t. We have so many things in life that many can’t even imagine having..

Today’s Assignment:

Write down 3 things you are grateful for today and express your gratitude to at least one person in your life. It can be anyone, and it doesn’t have to be someone you know.

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SERENITY - INNER PEACE

There are days when everything exterior take control over our lives, and we forget about our insides.

So when I heard about feeling “inner peace” I didn’t really understand what it meant or how to feel it..It has nothing to do with everything going perfect in life that’s for sure..it is about accepting all parts of ourselves and finding a way to calm our minds and finding peace without using exterior distractions, like party, drinking, working too much, buying gadgets or things, or relying on others to make us happy. It’s also more important than the search for happiness or success, and when you have it you have it for life. There is no overthinking and too much analyzing of every situation. I wouldn’t say I have fully gotten there but I believe I’m well on my way. We can’t change the past and we certainly don’t know the future so why not trust the moment?

Being aware is the first step, taking action is the second, and the third is trusting that something bigger than us can help. Physically I know right away when I feel inner peace. No pain in my body! Mentally I feel love towards everything around me and I get this urge to give and show it to everyone around me. 

When there are many things in our lives we have to do, the feeling of peace could be very hard to achieve or feel. Since it is a feeling it’s also hard to say exactly how it feels, but recognizing a difference from our more common feelings, we can see it’s at least there. I get this feeling when I meditate or when I’m in nature, but also when I’m focused on the present and concentrating on what I’m doing in that moment. It could be as simple as doing my dishes and only focusing on how it feels when the water hits my hands, what temperature the water is, or how the sound of the water sounds hitting the plate. The most important I found is accepting that I can’t always control the outcomes, and trusting there is something bigger than me that can help me feel at peace. Now trusting that there is something bigger than us takes time, but when I started believing it, it gave me serenity and a feeling of peace without really doing anything. Unfortunately in order to trust this we need to come to a place where we don’t know what to do first..and not use distractions to solve the constant chatter in our minds. Don’t believe your mind! Most of the time your thoughts are illusions of what actually is the truth or reality. When we have a willingness to be open to something new, we can start to believe there is something we can trust, no matter what happens. I started believing that everything happens for a reason, and I developed a trust that things can be resolved without my need to control, or change it. This is your life and you came here to live it fully. If you don’t have peace within you, you can’t give to this world what you were meant to give, so never compromise your serenity for anything or anyone! 

Today’s Assignment:

Today be aware of what things make you feel at peace. Say the serenity prayer 3 times when you feel lost or don’t know what to do. Say it out loud it makes a difference. 

“ Universe, (or whatever you call it) 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference “ 

P.s I thought this was crazy but when I did it enough times small miracles started to happen:)

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BELIEF SYSTEMS

Lately I have been thinking about our belief systems and how we all create belief systems to support our decisions and keep us safe. We’ve been doing it since the day we were born. Belief systems can form the foundation for our lives. Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional home; it’s pretty common to believe that “the world isn’t a safe place.” But that primal belief (that protected us as children) can also be the very thing that stops us from progressing in life—it’s preventing us from having what we want most. 

Of course all these beliefs we have about ourselves or others are often illusions but when life constantly sends us triggers that remind us of relationships we had in our childhood or our past it’s hard to differentiate what is the trigger from the past and how to act in a situation we are experiencing now. Maybe our father or mother didn't give us what we needed at the time, and we developed a belief that we maybe weren’t good enough. Many times how we dealt with it then, is how we deal with it now in our relationships. For example, I never got the affirmations and emotional needs from both my parents as a child, and I created ways to keep peace at home and many times disregarded my true feelings. In return in my adult life I thought this was the way to resolve conflicts but also to receive love and affection from any people in my life - again disregarding my own needs.. 

If we start to take a close look at ourselves and admit there are things we believe about others, that we do ourselves we can see and be aware of what needs to be attended to. After realizing this I knew I needed to develop new ways to both see what good things came out of my parents being unavailable, but also accept that they did what they could with what tools they had, and I don’t need to compromise my own needs in order to be loved and acknowledged. These emotions and beliefs can be very deep rooted and hard to accept and change. Most of the time, they’re completely unconscious. That’s why they’re so hard to change. 

I still run up against my belief systems but have a much easier to see when it’s something from my past, and how to work on making the change. I used to need to control everything and wasn’t able to take paths and make decisions towards what I really wanted. I also got depressed and didn’t know why. False beliefs were also the sole reason I wasn’t able to get what I wanted the most. Sometimes they even sneak up on you, when you thought you were done with them. I am working on embracing life more, have courage to move past my fears, and be open and trust the unknown without that strong primal belief of not feeling safe. The truth is to practice compassion and acceptance to ourselves, and not control our minds believing we only need to feel good, in order to be happy. Life will always have parts that we don’t want, or we can’t control.

One way that helped release those deep rooted beliefs was to meditate & practice yoga. 

Today’s Assignment:

Today when your beliefs try to penetrate into your mind thinking you will not be able to move past your fears, write down one sentence and say it out loud. For example: 

- I will not believe what my mind is telling me today. I will only believe I’m capable of achieving what I want!

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PAIN

I love to read and sometimes things get stuck in my head and then I feel like writing about it. 

“In truth, pain is the price of freedom. And the moment you are willing to pay that price, you will no longer be afraid.” 

As I was thinking of this sentence I realize when you are comfortable with pain passing through you, not closing, you will actually be free. It’s something I didn’t believe for a very long time.

My biggest feeling of pain was when I lost my mom at a very young age and how it followed me around in my life. Not knowing how to process it and how I let it consume me at times. Although this experience I had with my mom is an understandable and validated pain, it transferred to other parts of my life, and it even showed up as a chronic pain in my body that I still deal with from time to time. It’s important to know as painful as this experience was, it also has made me incredibly strong and I’m forever grateful for how much it has taught me. I hid the pain for a very long time and tried to avoid it and cover it up at all cost, drinking, going out too much and letting people behave badly without standing up for myself. It intensified to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I created chaos when there didn’t need to be just to not have to deal with it. I also had this uneasy feeling of boredom and lack of responsibility which in turn made me feel worse. I wanted it to go away so badly I did very irrational and sometimes even stupid things. I lived and survived feeling pain so deeply, I didn’t think there was no way out. It all changed when I started believing I had a choice, and that was enough to at least be open to something different. To change this deep feeling I knew I had to go through the pain, feel it, talk about it and accept it, but most of all learn to be compassionate with myself. I started to look at the situation or problem that caused me pain in a different way, and then something shifted, not in a big way, but it shifted. It was incredibly hard to go through, beyond your imagination, but with courage a lot of support I went through it, and oh am I glad I did! I did realize though, there was no other way than going through it. When you are comfortable with pain passing through you, not closing, you will be free. 

There is an ocean of love behind all of this fear and pain. Pain is just a feeling if you think about it and it will pass. We have many times also decided what is painful..but as we can control our minds we automatically have a choice to change the feeling. 

Today’s Assignment:

When you feel pain sit with it, and feel it move throughout your body, and then put your hand to your heart and say: “ I will be ok and I don’t need to feel this pain anymore ". Go out in Nature and let it rejuvenate your soul.

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle? Check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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HUNGRY - LONELY - TIRED

When we are hungry, lonely or tired we can’t function and do anything. We then need to care for ourselves extra, and really listen to our Body, Mind & Spirit. I try to be gentle in everything I do that day. Making any big decision can make a huge difference in how I will act or what will happen, so making any big decisions will have to wait. Thinking I can do more just gets me into trouble so be patient with yourself and don’t judge the feelings just let them pass through you.

These days I really listen and be gentle to myself, and do the best that I can to make this day special for myself. I move slowly and I really pay attention to what my body wants and mind needs, not necessarily what I want. The best is to start listening to your body before it crashes. Make meals or snacks that last for a while so you don’t have to be in a situation of running out of it. Often I wait until it’s too late to eat and can even lash out at people. I get very irritated, tired and can even feel lonely. Arrange a meeting with a friend or a loved one before you start resenting your feeling of being lonely, bored and possibly get angry or upset. We have to remember we are never alone! We might feel uneasy but once again it’s a feeling, it will pass, and we are so blessed to have a choice to do something about it. And finally I listen to my body when I feel this way. If I need to sleep 10 hours so be it!

Today’s Assignment

Call a friend and arrange a meeting to do something fun. Eat comfort food. Go to bed early. Meditate. Tomorrow is another day!

Thank you for visiting my blog! Are you ready to create your new lifestyle? Check out my Lifestyle Coaching page. Or if you love photography check out Story’s In Nature section!

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STAYING CONNECTED

Staying connected and present in our relationships can be hard when we don’t know how to stay present with ourselves. If we have conflicts within ourselves that we haven’t resolved, it becomes difficult to have intimate meaningful connections to people in our lives, other than polite conversations. We steer away and isolate rather than finding out why we feel we can’t connect. When I say relationships I mean any relationships - friends, partner, family member, co-worker, boss and so on. All human beings I believe have a curiosity and a desire to connect, but many times we often escape the importance of actually connecting to one another on a deeper level because we fear intimacy. To continue staying connected to one another we eventually open ourselves up, and that makes us vulnerable. Because that can feel scary we often avoid exploring something new, or continue having a deeper connection with someone. Many times we are so absorbed in our lives and in ourselves that we often forget how much we can learn and grow from having a meaningful relationship with someone and genuinely being interested in a life other than ourselves. 

For example when you meet someone you haven’t met before, do you ask them questions, or are you just talking about yourself? When you ask a question are you genuinely interested and present to really hear the answer, or are you just being polite? Or do you continuously focus on what you are going to answer so therefore not hearing what the other person is saying? 

Staying connected and having a meaningful relationship also takes effort from both parties. We easily give up in our relationships I think because we are afraid letting others see the side of us that we have told ourselves is not good. And we are afraid the person won’t love us if that part comes out. 

Another thing I hear often is words like extroverts or introverts. I don’t know if I even believe you can be either of them..maybe they are just words and behaviors we make up as excuses to not really be vulnerable with someone..either way there is a reason for how we decide to live our lives, no matter what we call it. I believe we humans have an innate need to connect, and our biggest fear is separation, and feeling disconnected. In today’s society it seems we also avoid making an effort to see each other in person, and instead we continue having text relationships, to feel safe, but why? Is it because we are too busy, or are we worried someone will find out and see our true selves, or are we just lazy.. 

I agree it is scary to open up to someone but if we don’t show our true selves we become unauthentic to ourselves, the world and to whom we are trying to connect with. We isolate, work a ton,and stay busy all the time. Sometimes I think we use that to escape, actually connecting with one another, and in return we feel lonely and disconnected and even bored. It takes effort to have a healthy growing relationship. If you are the one always initiating meetings, or continue canceling, or making excuses, we are disconnecting ourselves, and furthermore we don’t value the depth of the mystery of what being a human really is. If we are truly connected to ourselves and our hearts we naturally want to share that with others. 

It’s also funny how easily we connect to nature, our pets, and our jobs, and we rarely separate from them when we need space..so when we say we like our solitude or space we really mean; we feel we can’t be ourselves around people and therefore need to create space..and again we feel lonely separated and bored..

Today’s Assignment

Stay present and open with your current relationships, listen, learn and love the moment with them. Ask questions you haven’t asked, listen to the words that are being said, and when you do, try to look in their eyes, not your phone, or the environment around you.  

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JUST BE

I have been thinking a lot about our existence as humans and how we come into this world with so many expectations and pressures, the way to live, eat, breathe and be. Society has developed this false set of “norms” or ways to be living our lives. But why do we assign meaning to all those things that’s not our authentic selves?

What if we are brought to this world to “just be” and give to others our unique selves? Maybe that is our true purpose in life. Without rules, expectations, or judgements. Every single one of us is unique without society’s pressures of what our full potential “suppose” to be. What if only existing is enough..like animals for example, they just exist and their purpose, so beautifully makes our eco system work without having any real responsibilities or pressures than “just be”. They are one with nature which we also come from..When we give, if we are honest we expect something in return, maybe unconsciously but still it’s because of expectations and habits that was taught from and early age..we are not to be angry, sad, have negative thoughts, we learn to look up to beauty, money and fame, when that is not who we are. Because we are born with a higher intellect than animals, doesn’t it mean we are supposed to make better decisions than them...

So ok... we have to be “responsible”, pay our bills and be kind and loving, but for example why does money have such power on us in many different ways? Sometimes I think about what would happen if money didn’t exist..Could we resolve our daily lives with responsibilities and communication to each other and work out obvious complications that would arise? Maybe our connection and communications to each other and the world would be more authentic.. 

I know when I just exist and just being in the moment, I’m able to create, breathe and feel freedom. I’m also the most real to myself and everyone around me. I let my Body and Mind and Spirit exist in balance without an agenda. I know we are taught to accept reality, judge, manipulate and train our minds, but isn’t reality what we make it to be..not the other way around..so if that’s the case isn’t “just be'' the most freeing and creative way to live? Even when I write sometimes is exhausting..When I feel that way I go back to my senses and feel the touch of the keyboard, listening to my dryer working to dry my clothes, the clock ticking, or listening to my neighbor’s heavy feet upstairs walking across the floors:)    

Today’s Assignment:

Today practice not thinking, “just be”. Maybe it’s just watching your cat playing in the sunlight’s reflection on the floor. Feeling your feet in the sand, meditating, feel the sun warming your face on your porch or sleep. Let yourself “just be”. 

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ANGER

Robert Zaslow boldly defines rage as the highest, most intense form of arousal for full materialization of resources that can be used destructively or constructively and anger, at least initially, is a less intensely felt and instinctually driven human emotion. 

We all feel anger and we all have the right to feel angry, but it’s about how we handle it that is important. When we feel anger, our blood in our bodies rushes through, adrenaline is pumping and we start to sweat, clench our fists, and there are times when we say things to others that are not acceptable.. Because our physical changes are so powerful when we get angry, we sometimes have a hard time to controlling our minds, and we lash out on anybody that triggers what we are not able to control and we become more angry. In one way you feel high, and it’s a very powerful feeling. If we can use and express that energy the right way, or creatively use it to our advantage, we can become more familiar when it comes again. Express it in a safe place, where it adds something to your life instead of it being destructive. Anger is a false sense of power until you process it. 

I have witnessed many different ways people process their anger. One of the ways I noticed is holding it in, which might be the worst.. We don’t say or feel or express in any way. It builds up over time and then it explodes. The reason is maybe we have been judged at one point when we were expressing anger, and when we did, someone might have lashed out and we developed a fear of it. Another way people express their anger in an unhealthy way is to project their anger onto someone else, so they don’t have to feel the loss of control that is too painful. Many times they become physically and verbally abusive. The third way I found is to manipulate and shame others into believing they have the right to be angry and will make all efforts convincing you to believe their anger and their actions are justified. When I become angry I usually start cleaning, want to be left alone until my feelings subside. Going for a walk out in nature will also do it. When I feel calm I can come back and resolve it, either the person I’m angry at, or discuss it with a friend. 

Today’s Assignment

Try to recognize your anger, how you act, and how your body feels when you start becoming angry. Write it down, and think of ways you can express it and use it creatively.

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ADDICTION

So this is a hard subject to write about, as all addictions in some form or another, whether it be to an object, person or a feeling, are not only difficult to ignore, it can be very hard to change as well. Every addiction comes from an unconscious refusal to face and move through our own pain and reality. 

Addiction has taught me many things, not only what true pain is all about, but also about choices, boundaries, self worth, loss and even love. We all experience addiction differently but the only way to stop a habit that no longer serves you, is to stop it completely. We can have as I call them “innocent” addictions like chocolate, ice cream, coffee..but even with these types of addictions, it still has to be a balance, as when those “innocent” addictions doesn’t work to disguise your pain any more, you many times move on to a bigger addiction.. For example addictions like alcohol, drugs, food and smoking can consume, and eventually destroy your whole life. I learned all addictions are always progressive unless you stop, unfortunately it always gets worse before we decide to make a change.. I also believe all addictions are a symptom of a deeper problem, we haven’t dealt with or are afraid to face. Although fear is healthy, and it’s our bodies and mind’s way of saying something needs to change, it might be easier said than done, and many times we ignore it. Our addiction soothes the problem temporarily, as we don’t have to feel the pain, but unfortunately the pain will not go away, and it can transfer into our whole being and it makes it substantially harder to change. Our nerve system can get damaged and eventually our Body, Mind and Spirit shut down and we feel numb to our whole life, and everything and anybody around it. We can’t enjoy the beautiful parts of life anymore and we hide from everybody around us that doesn’t feed our addictions. 

Even If you live around addiction for long periods of time, you too will eventually get emotionally, physically and spiritually sick, and that’s what happened to me. After a lot of self work, dedication and a strong will to live in this beautiful world, I finally started to listen to myself and I got to a place where I can enjoy life again, and for that I’m forever grateful. There are many resources out there!

Today’s Assignment:

Cut out one thing you know your body or mind needs to have that is not helping you in your life. You will know if you are addicted to it. It could be something you eat, a person that is toxic, watching tv, texting, smoking or anything else that you feel doesn’t benefit you anymore.

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FEAR

If we had no fear, we could be perfectly happy living in this world. Nothing would bother us. We sometimes don’t even know why we are afraid, and many times it’s even unconscious to us why we act a certain way towards a situation. We act out and fight by either controlling it or avoiding it, when really the only way I found is to sit with it, look at it until you can see it from a different angle and act on it from a place of compassion and courage instead. When we have fear inside of us, the events of life for sure stimulate it. Whatever is withheld within us can’t stand the continuous changes of the world’s changes, and shake you around deep down in your core. There is nothing wrong with that. Life pushes us to the edges, all with the effect of removing what is blocked inside of us. What’s is blocked and buried within us form the root of fear. My fear was blocked by blockages in my flow of energy and I acted out on it by hiding it and pretending it wasn't there. Because my energy was blocked, it couldn’t come up and feed my heart, and my heart became weak, and in turn I became afraid of everything. I believe fear is the cause of every problem. When I started to consciously do new things that I knew I was afraid of I saw it was not something to be afraid of, and I started to trust in myself, and I could feel safe to handle the fear instead, and things in my life. I didn’t have to miss out on things I really desired because of my fear. We have to learn to see that fear will never go away, but it doesn’t have to control our life either. 

Today’s Assignment;

Today do something you would normally be afraid to do. It can be doing a new activity or starting a conversation with someone you don’t know..  

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DESIRE

Desire is another powerful feeling that I think is worth talking about. It can be so convincing it’s hard to pace yourself when you feel a desire for something. It comes fast, it’s very easy to just jump in and get lost in the moment..When we desire something and can’t get it, we start to resist it, and when we resist we start a constant struggle inside, and it can become a stress in your everyday life. What if we let go of our desires and stop trying to control situations and start to really focus on our life? Maybe we would get the truth from life and people instead..we get what we really need instead of what we want. So how do we do this..A great way I did was to notice when I do this in my relationships. You will need willpower until it becomes second nature. If you’re not trying to make people fit into your likes and dislikes, relationships are not really that difficult. But you have to be honest with yourself. We are often so busy judging and resisting life and people based upon what is blocked inside of us. We find that they are much easier to get along with, than exploring our own truth. Let go of yourself is the simplest way to get closer to others and when you let go of one situation, it affects your clarity from other situations. I’m working to reach a state in which I never have any more stress, tension or problems. Life is giving you a gift, and that gift is the flow of events without judgements. If your heart and mind is open and expansive enough to encompass reality it can be done. Since I started to be aware of this I felt lighter more true not only to myself, but to others as well. You will see that in most situations there’s nothing to deal with except for your own fears and desires. If you don’t have fear or desire about an event, there’s really nothing to deal with. 

Today’s Assignment;

Ask someone for help, without thinking you need to give something back. There are many times we need help, whether it be, help with writing, advice at work, or maybe just ask someone to listen.  

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